How To Improve Communication

One of the key ways to improve communication is to develop strong listening skills. Couples often fail to listen to what their partner has to say, interrupt and give the impression that no matter what is said they won’t change their mind. One trick to ensure that you have listened and you do understand is to repeat what you have heard. This will demonstrate that you have listened to what was said and by repeating it back you have the opportunity to comprehend and understand.

How often do we try and work through a problem and it’s only at the point we are explaining the issue to someone else does the magic light bulb switch on which enables us to come up with the answer. If you are taking an exam would you expect to know everything just by being told it once? For most people I would say not. We have to work at it and work at it hard.

No one ever said relationships would be easy it’s just another lesson we have to learn as we experience life but if you want to improve your relationship and make it even more special than it was before then you must put forth the effort. Relationship problems can lay heavy on your mind, become a burden and what was originally a small issue can develop into an insurmountable mountain.

If relationship concerns are beginning to weigh heavy on you, take a break and do something you enjoy preferably with your partner. If you can refocus your attention on the better things in life, day to day issues always seem that much smaller. Spending a little time together and enjoying each other's company could enable you and your partner to recapture some of the feelings that have been lost through constant arguing and miscommunication and help you regain a positive perspective on your relationship.

Just one last word of advice, when you are feeling down and feel you no longer want to improve your relationship and you want to give up,  just remember that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

If you believe you have financial issues now what do you think it will be like when you split your assets, if you feel you don’t have time to do things what will it be like when you are on your own or worse a single parent and if you feel lonely now how will you feel when every time you walk in your front door all’s you have is your own company. Now none of these thoughts have been aired to encourage you to stay in a bad relationship but rather to make you consider whether or not yours is as bad as you think.

You are the master of your own destiny and if you want to turn a bad relationship around you have the power at your fingertips.

It’s Not What You Say It Is How You Say It

It is how you say something that will ruin a relationship and not what you have to say. The wrong way is just to blurt out something that you know will aggravate or upset someone. The natural reaction is defensiveness.  You want the person you are trying to communicate with to be open and perceptive and in order to be able to achieve this, your timing and approach has to be right.

Every individual is different what will work with one person won’t necessarily work with another and with some people all you can do is sew the seed and then let them walk away and work it out for themselves.

I know a guy that never listens to anyone. He always feels that he is right no matter the circumstances. He operates with an individualistic attitude and has no concept of being a team player.  Traditional approaches and method of reasoning just don’t work and but all you can do is plant the seed of thought which eventually develops into his own acceptable idea.

Given people’s individuality you need to learn what the right approach is for you in your relationship. First, you need to make sure your timing is right. Never start a discussion if you don’t have time to finish it.  Don’t insist on a debate when someone is leaving for work, dealing with the kids or just relaxing in front of their favorite TV program. If the timing seems to never be right ask the question ‘when would it be a good time for us to just sit down and talk?’. Secondly, don’t allow yourself to appear agitated either in what you say or how you say it. Body language can just as easily put your partner on the defensive as what you say to them. Even if your partner is vying for a fight do not react to it.

Remember, the first golden rule, approaching defensive with defensive is a sure way to failure.

The Art Of Communication

When people are told that they need to communicate more with each other they often think that is an open invitation to talk, but there is a complete difference between talking and communicating.

Communicating is an art. It is the art of combining the ability to express your opinions and feelings, in such a way as to ensure that the person or people you are talking to understand what you are trying to say with the ability to listen and understand another person’s point of view.

The number of times I have sat in a room, often in meetings and at conferences and I’ve just watched and listened to what is going on around me. It is totally fascinating when whole groups of people have no ability to listen to their colleagues, partners or friends and therefore cannot understand or comprehend any opinion other than their own.

What could have been covered in five minutes or learned in half an hour often takes hours or days just because people refuse to sit back, listen and understand.

Over the years it’s amazing the number of times people are provided with information that, if they acted upon, could totally alter a relationship, career or the success of a business. But, because the sheer lack of people’s ability to listen to and think through another person’s point of view unique opportunities pass them by.

Relationships are no different to the work environment other than there are, usually, just two of you. Often, what could be a marriage made in heaven is destroyed by the sheer inability to communicate. The most successful relationships, be it business or personnel are those whereby both parties have strong verbal and listening skills.

Many relationship problems begin with poor communication. Couples often feel that their partner should know what they are thinking and how they feel so do not communicate and then wonder why they feel neglected and undervalued.

How many people decide not to tell their partner something just because they don’t know how to say it and then the problem just eats away at the relationship until there is no relationship left? What a waste, just the sheer ability to share a problem can make what seemed to be an insurmountable issue a tiny little blip on a large horizon.

So whenever you feel stressed or don’t know what to do don’t just bottle it up, talk about it, seek advice and listen to the answer. Don’t keep quiet when you know in your heart a problem has to be aired and don’t put off until tomorrow what has to be sorted today. What if tomorrow never comes?!

Key Tips To Starting a Relationship

If you are good at something flaunt it so that others know it. If you feel that your intelligence is the height of your personality, then make sure that you show it off. If you think you have the ability to make someone laugh, there is nothing wrong with sharing a laugh that creates a smile on someone’s face. If you excel in sports, then show that off as well. Others like to see the good things in you and you should want to put those things up front and in the best possible light. These are just some of the things that attract others to us…our great qualities and abilities!

Allow others to see how different and special you are. If you feel that the people around you are not attracted to you, then think again and look in another direction; broaden your horizons. If you like sports then find others with similar interests and hang out with them. Having things in common makes for easier conversation so look for someone with whom you would find it easy to talk. If you cannot communicate well with others, especially in a relationship, you may lose the relationship before it ever begins. A successful relationship begins with great communication.

The first thing that you should learn to do if you have not already is to communicate effectively with your partner. In other words, there should be an even exchange on listening and talking on both parts initially. The simplest way to develop this is for you to become friends before lovers. Identify things the two of you have in common and be willing to talk and explore the worldviews of the other person. Take your time with this person and build a strong foundation. You will not regret doing this, it will build great structure for your relationship.

When you decide to hang out with your new friend, don’t bring along a third person to accompany you. This can impede on the quality time you are trying to spend with each other. This is a time to relax, have fun, and enjoy yourself. Another note to yourself, don’t be dishonest and attempt to show this person someone that you are not, be yourself and express your feelings directly. Be careful not to lie while forming relationships as this may be disastrous and will come back to haunt you. Stay true to yourself and who you are because, if those lies catch up to you, you would be heartbroken and only to find yourself alone as a result.

Remember to convey your feelings to this special person. But before sharing feelings and emotions be sure that the feelings are mutual, sometimes you can do this by allowing yourself to flirt a little. This will allow you to find out if you are getting the right vibe. Flirting is a healthy social and playful activity but sometimes the other person does not feel the same way but if you do get the reciprocation of emotion then it may help you to build a successful relationship. Emotional bonds with the right person will assist in creating a successful connection with that person. Try not to feel down if things are not reciprocated, remember you must be patient and your time will come.

Take it slow and don’t be desperate, because believe me it will show if it is present within you. When you relax and take things easy you will open yourself for lots of surprises to come your way. You may be surprised to find that a special person may have noticed you from afar and asks you out for a date, when you least expect it!

The Compatibility Factor

The compatibility factor is usually something that is taken for granted for too long. You have perhaps also overlooked its foreseeable powers and always forgot to read the signs on the road. That road you were planning to travel along with your partner has now become foggy and doesn’t show any sign of clearance. And everything you have experienced so far is difficult and confusing. 

It is human nature to forget emotional beatings from past relationships, put aside the anxieties you have been through and erase the feelings of dysfunction and inadequacy as you move from one relationship to the other wishing for a better result and more stability. It’s understandable you want to start fresh from ground zero. But are you the turtle that crosses the busy freeway thinking it can escape from it unharmed? You must be crazy to think that way!

Learn from your past and take the necessary precautions before taking the first step. Nobody enters or exits a relationship without experiencing ups and downs. Although you have experienced it before, every time you look for a partner you put down your guards and land up in the same place. It is time to stop allowing your past to shape your future. Haven’t you had your share of drama queens? Uncaring people using you like a Kleenex? Codependent people who are unable to sustain themselves and then they drag you down along with them?

How about connecting with someone who really cares about you? Can you visualize spending time with someone who respects you and takes part in your daily activities? Wouldn’t you love to be with someone who blindly believes in your vision of the future?

The bad news is that this takes time; the good news is that it will eventually happen for you. No one can give you a 100% guarantee that you will find someone with 100% compatibility. You must first understand that none of us will reach that level of perfection ourselves therefore we cannot sit and expect someone else to be that perfect. Can I tell you a secret? The perfect soul mate doesn’t come in a Cracker Jack box. If he did we would all have one!

Compatibility issues are common in a lot of relationships. One of the main reasons we are not finding out about our compatibility issues sooner is due to the lack of communication in the foundation building stage of our relationships. And believe it or not compatibility issues often deal with arguments about the simplest things. These arguments boil over into attitude problems and negative emotions that form an impenetrable wall of silence between couples. This drives that wedge of separation deeper and deeper into your relationship. Understand that most issues of compatibility can be resolved if there is an invested commitment to communicate with each other and collectively remain patient to make it work. .

Your desire to stay together is the most important factor of compatibility and hopefully you can agree on that

15 Questions To Ask Yourself

...Before Getting Into A Long-Term Relationsip

If you are or have been in a long term relationship, you probably understand the pains and pleasures involved. There are moments of happiness intermingled with bouts of doubt and difference of opinions between you and your partner. It has been seen that the in first few months or may be even in the first few years the couple is blissfully happy. They are head over heels in love with each other and cannot find any flaw in their mate no matter how hard they try.

When in a relationship, we badly try to rediscover ourselves. The questions like, “why we exist?”, “for whom do we exist?”, “does that person actually deserve me or do I deserve him/her?” keep gnawing at our thoughts. Also, the very thought of getting into a long term relationship with that person seems to cast us into perpetual tension and we spend sleepless nights trying to find the answers. The challenge we face is whether we would be able to put up with that person all our life or vice versa. 

If you plan to be in a long term relationship, you need to do good groundwork. Do not take this lightly, or you will find out the hard way that you should have done this early on. At the very beginning, you should be clear about what you want from your partner and what you think you can do for him/her, because it can take years to make a relationship cohesive, you must be up for the challenge and aware with the knowledge that it WILL be a challenge.

Some of the prime factors to consider for building the foundation of your relationship are communication, trust and respect. Take time and develop to these things for they are integral parts of your relationship and most often required to make your relationship work. Compassion is another essential element which you need to feel for your partner, this takes time to build, therefore, it’s important to spend quality time with your partner.

The very thought of being with this same person all your life might frighten you but give yourself time to review things and then, decide after you have had adequate time to assess your personal situation.

Below I have thought of a few questions you may want to ask yourself before getting into a long term relationship. These questions are but a few to get you to open your mind and think while going along on your relationship journey.

1. Are you both compatible? Are you ready to compromise to his/her and mindset?
2. Have you both spoken about your dreams and goals? If so, are they respected, acknowledged and appreciated?
3. Do you accept his/her family? Do you get along? If not, are you prepared to deal with the havoc of the situation?
4. Have you discussed your inner most intimate, private secrets? Are you ready to disclose that information to him/her?
5. Do you completely trust your mate?
6. Will this person respect your privacy and give you appropriate space for you to be an individual?
7. Would you be able to arise upon a joint consensus about how many kids you want?
8. Do you both have similar takes on how you would like to bring your child up and the disciplinary measures that you plan to adopt?
9. Will you be having separate bank accounts or a joint account?
10. What are your thoughts compared to his/hers on finances/saving/spending? How do you plan to manage your finances?
11. Who would be doing the housework?
12. Who would pay the bills?
13. Which one of you would be doing the grocery shopping and cooking?
14. Would you need to cut down on the time you spend with your close friends now? 
15. What are your sexual and physical intimacy needs?

Discuss these concerns and others you may have with your partner and get ready for an open dialogue about what you both expect from a long term relationship.

Being Single and Happy

Many of us, especially women, tend to put others’ needs before our own. We neglect ourselves and eventually resent those who have been on the receiving end of our love and attention. What we fail to realize is the importance of putting ourselves first. No, it is not selfish. In fact, it’s impossible to meet the needs of others effectively without first being balanced in our own lives. Loving yourself will not only prove to be a positive experience, but it will improve your relationships with others as well.

If we go through our days neglecting our basic needs, we will become very quickly drained of our energy, too exhausted to spend any time on ourselves. When we realize that our own needs are not being met, we become resentful and ultimately withdraw the help and support we so freely offered to others before. However, by focusing on putting ourselves first, we can regain that lost energy, which will give us endless vitality to direct toward others.

Loving and taking better care of yourself is easy if you implement one or more of the simple helpful tips and ideas listed here. When we are happy with the level of attention we are giving ourselves, our energy overflows and we are anxious to help fulfill the needs of those around us. Everyone wins when we learn to love ourselves. Use your single status to your advantage with the following tips to get you started:

Live a healthy lifestyle – How can we expect to accomplish great things if we cannot meet life’s most basic needs? Eat healthy by replacing excess sugar and refined foods with whole foods and lots of water. Give your body the ability to effectively burn the fuel you take in by getting daily exercise, thereby increasing your metabolism. Make sure to get plenty of sleep as well, as our minds do not fully function if they haven’t been allowed to properly recharge themselves.

Express yourself – One of the best ways to take care of ourselves mentally is by frequently expressing how we feel. This can be done in several ways. Mentally, we can express ourselves on paper. Keeping a personal journal in which you can vent when needed will help keep emotions in check. Creative expression is important too, such as allowing yourself to feel and experience the wide range of emotions in a rented movie, or by working on a hobby that’s close to your heart.  Photography and other visual arts are good for this as well. Remember, expressing ourselves creatively is as important as doing so mentally.

Spend some time alone – In order to appreciate ourselves more, we should get to know ourselves better. Some of you may think this will have the reverse effect, but think positively! You would be surprised what becoming introspective will reveal. Discover yourself and learn to love it. Go for a scenic drive. Take a long bath. Surround yourself with music or just quietly meditate. Not only will you appreciate your own company more, but the relaxation will do wonders for your state of mind. Your relationships are sure to improve if others sense your renewed energy and love of life.

Pamper yourself - Finally, take the time to treat yourself to something rewarding. Get a massage, a manicure, or tickets to your favorite sporting event. Show yourself you care about your own happiness by creating more of it in your life. By allowing yourself to enjoy the spotlight now and again, you’ll realize the goodness others feel when you are able to help them.

Remember being single is not the end, it is an opportunity to start fresh and the path to a new beginning.