It’s Not What You Say It Is How You Say It

It is how you say something that will ruin a relationship and not what you have to say. The wrong way is just to blurt out something that you know will aggravate or upset someone. The natural reaction is defensiveness.  You want the person you are trying to communicate with to be open and perceptive and in order to be able to achieve this, your timing and approach has to be right.

Every individual is different what will work with one person won’t necessarily work with another and with some people all you can do is sew the seed and then let them walk away and work it out for themselves.

I know a guy that never listens to anyone. He always feels that he is right no matter the circumstances. He operates with an individualistic attitude and has no concept of being a team player.  Traditional approaches and method of reasoning just don’t work and but all you can do is plant the seed of thought which eventually develops into his own acceptable idea.

Given people’s individuality you need to learn what the right approach is for you in your relationship. First, you need to make sure your timing is right. Never start a discussion if you don’t have time to finish it.  Don’t insist on a debate when someone is leaving for work, dealing with the kids or just relaxing in front of their favorite TV program. If the timing seems to never be right ask the question ‘when would it be a good time for us to just sit down and talk?’. Secondly, don’t allow yourself to appear agitated either in what you say or how you say it. Body language can just as easily put your partner on the defensive as what you say to them. Even if your partner is vying for a fight do not react to it.

Remember, the first golden rule, approaching defensive with defensive is a sure way to failure.